Tokyo Mew Mew: Uncut, Uncensored, Unsmartified
by Pikachu1776
Summary: Basically, how Tokyo Mew Mew should have/would have worked out. Rated M for lemons. Later, though, because I'm lazy. Not for the Masaya lovers, because he's got it coming to him.
1. Boats and Hoes

**Note from the author:**

**This is the first story I've written in for-freaking-ever :] More than that, it's my first story based around comedy, instead of the 'naughty dance'. (But I think I might work some in. It's no fun otherwise.) Thank you for reading it, and please review. Your comments count!! ;D **

**WARNING!! All characters are ghetto for some reason. I also do not own the rights to TMM or any of it's respective characters, for the mere fact that I do not want to own that little pussy bitch Masaya.**

What would have REALLY happened in Tokyo Mew Mew: VOLUME 1!

Ichigo and Masaya are walking through an environmental museum on a lovely day. Ichigo sighs. She walks forward, thinking of how much she would rather be somewhere else. Why did he have to bring her here? I mean, sure, it was noble how much he cares for the environment, but the goody-two shoes hadn't said one word to her about anything except grass and penguins. It was a good thing he was cute, or she would have bolted hours ago.

But, aside from the obsession with the environment, and the brief encounter with the fire ants, the date was going swimmingly and Ichigo was enjoying herself. She was starting to really like Masaya. That being said, she snuck off as soon as she could, after 'accidentally' tumbling down on top of Masaya and an encounter with an anonymous snooty bitch. She saw a glimmer in the distance. "Wow!!" she exclaimed, "What a cute café!!!"

**Random writer's interruption #1: Does anyone else think that the Joker from the Dark Knight was the hottest thing to ever hit the movie theater? God, I thought I was a lesbian until the moment I saw him walk out of that hospital in a dress… Good lord, I've got problems.**

The large, pink structure glittered in the distance, as though it was encrusted with a thousand diamonds. God knows how she knew it was a café Atop the red shingled roof stood a golden cat statue. "Maybe I can get Masaya to take me there after we escape this boring hell-hole!" Another voice chimed in, "True love can be so difficult!" Snooty bitch had joined back into the story. Ichigo was pissed. "Hey! Why don't you just back off already? This is none of your business, I don't even know who you are!!" she hissed. The blue haired wonder just stared back at her in amusement as Ichigo's inner ghetto came out.

She laughed, "because you two are a little bit more interesting than these displays." She winked, just in time to see Ichigo's fist collide with her perfect, beautiful face. Onlookers gasped and stared as Mint punched Ichigo in the stomach, bringing her down to the ground.

**Random writer's interruption#2: Why don't boys listen when you tell them you don't want they're nasty feet anywhere near you?**

A single tear slid down Ichigo's face as the wind was knocked clean out of her, but she would not give up that easily. She gathered up her strength and dove into Mint's ankles, biting one as hard as she could. Mint screamed as Ichigo's teeth dug deep into the tender flesh of her ankles, and kicked Ichigo hard in the face with her other foot. Suddenly, their scuffle was broken as large, burly security men escorted them both off the premises.

"Sorry, Masaya." Ichigo apologized again through the bars to the museum courtyard. "I didn't want to ruin our date, but she pissed me off…" Masaya looked at her like she was crazy, but faked a smile and told her, yet again, that she had made no folly and that they would simply reschedule a new date for the following week. Ichigo sighed in relief. Not only had she kicked someone's ass, but she had gotten out of that museum AND got another date with Masaya.

Ichigo turned to face Mint. "You know, we wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for you." She told her loathingly. Mint simply laughed at her. "You act like you didn 't want to get the fuck out of there." Their rising argument was interrupted by a better, more interesting quarrel on the other side of the courtyard outside the museum.

**Random writer's interruption#3: Karma is a bitch, and it goes down like a sweet muffin. Sure, it tastes good for a minute or two, but then it goes straight to your thighs and FUCKS YOU UP.**

"B-but I brought you hot coffee like you asked me too…" A green-haired girl stuttered as a group of much uglier girls laughed at her. "HEY!" A small girl appeared out of buttfucking nowhere. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

To be continued, because I'm lazy…..

**So what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Wanna burn my house down out of pure anguish? Tell me in review, even though I know the topic was totally overplayed. **


	2. Why so serious?

**Hello again. :] I went through and read the first chapter to remember where I left off, and realized how pathetically not-far we are. So here we go!!**

"Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" a small girl with golden hair appeared out of nowhere. The three bitches watched in awe as the girl amazingly jumped out of the way from every punch they threw. Suddenly, however, one of the bullies grabbed the green-haired girl of the ground by the wrist, twisting it hard. Her screams were quickly drowned out by the screaming of the bitch who had grabbed her. She looked up to see a beautiful young woman twisting the girl's arm behind her back. The grip on her wrist was quickly released and she fell back to the ground.

The young woman twirled the bully around and punched her square in the jaw. She fell to the ground, crying. Her comrades soon met the same fate as the beautiful girl went on a total ass kicking spree. Oh, it was horrible. There was blood everywhere. While this was going on, Ichigo rushed over to nurse the girl's wrist. After it was wrapped in a makeshift cast (she didn't take that first aid course for nothing), the girl seemed more compelled to talk to them. "My name is Lettuce." She introduced. "I'm Ichigo, and this horrid twat is Mint." Ichigo replied with a smile. In reply, Mint punched her in the back of the head. Lettuce nervously giggled, unable to think of anything else to do. The blonde girl jumped down and introduced herself as well. Her name was Pudding, and apparently, her name was cursed because as soon as she said it, the earth began to quake and split. Out of the cracks in the ground burst a shining light, and in a split second all the girls were engulfed in it.

….

And then she woke up.

Ichigo awoke to find that she was in her own room, in her bed. She couldn't remember anything after the museum, and she had the strangest dreams. Just like any other teenager, her first instinct was to check her cell phone. She had a message from the butthugger, Masaya, inviting her on another date. And she accepted due to his charming good looks, because if it weren't for them, he'd never get laid. Then she hurried off to school to do boring school stuff.

8 hours later, she was walking down the street with Masaya. He had told her that the date was a surprise, and she was happily praying that it wouldn't be boring. "I'm really sorry about the other day.." She told him repeatedly. "It's totally fine." He replied in his girly little voice. "Here we are! We're going to pick trash from the river!"

Ichigo felt her eye twitch as she speared trash onto a stick and angrily shoved it into a plastic bag. For some reason, she was working in her panties. Little did she know, there was someone watching them nearby. Someone perverted. Ryou Shirogane sat in the bushes, popping a squat. He was waiting for something to happen. Soon his wish was granted as a giant ghosty mouse grew out of the ground and killed Masaya. HAHAHA! No, just kidding. I have to keep him here so I can make fun of him later.

**Sorry guys, but I'm going to quit writing for now, because I'm lazy, and pissed. Never have mothers, kids. They're not worth it. Please review.**


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